Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Miss California - the epitome of stupidity

Stumbling around the internet one day, I came across the video for Miss California's answer to judge Perez Hilton's question in the final round of the Miss USA contest. She began with the usual fake-sounding drivel until she dropped the bombshell - "I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

...

Now I appreciate that she didn't give the "safe" answer, but she could have at least not given a stupid one. Oh no, it's not that she opposes same sex marriage. It's that she opposes it because "that's how she was raised." Let's think about the stupidity of this statement. Our grandparents and great-grandparents were born in a world before Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and Rosa Parks. If they're from certain parts of the country, some of these people were raised to believe that people with dark skin shouldn't be allowed to use the same restroom as people with light skin. They shouldn't eat in the same part of the restaurant, they shouldn't sit in the front of the bus, they shouldn't even go to the same schools. Keep going back, and you'll find people who were raised to believe that women were second-class citizens, that slavery was okay, that England's Queen should rule over the colonies in the New World, that being born a peasant means you stay a peasant, that goats needed to be sacrificed to appease their deity, that pederasty is perfectly acceptable.

That's the way they were raised, Ms. Prejean, so that makes it okay, right?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

How to get modded +5 on Slashdot

In case you didn't know, Slashdot is an awesome website, and not just because the news stories are almost always interesting. At least, they're almost always interesting for nerds, as the site's subtitle suggests. In my opinion, the best part of Slashdot is the comments. Denials and jokes about themselves aside, Slashdot is populated by some of the most intelligent people around. If there's a story about space, you can be sure a rocket scientist or astrophysicist will provide insightful or informative responses. If there's a story about programming languages, prepare to be blown away by debates between experts in that language. Expert isn't even a strong enough title for some of these people; honestly, some probably think in code. Wikipedia has a list of famous or well-known people that you may come across there.

Slashdot is also home to some of the funniest people around. You need not go further than http://seenonslash.com/ to find a hundred pages of pure hilarity. You can look at the collections of informative, insightful, and interesting comments as well, though they are out of context so they don't work as well.

Anyway, how to get modded +5. First and foremost, getting your comment in early is essential. By the time an article has been up for 10 minutes, there are usually over a hundred comments, depending on the story. If you wait until there are already 300 or more comments, chances of anyone finding your comment is practically nil. This leads to having to "troll Slashdot," meaning frequently checking for new stories in order to get early comments.

So, you've gotten to the story early on, what about content? Of course there is always the obvious route. If you know the subject matter very well, share your expertise and that'll be enough. If you know it pretty well, do some extra research on the topic and post your interesting findings with links. Or simply ask a sincere question that you think everybody probably wants to know about, even if they didn't think of the question themselves.

The other way is to be funny. Really funny. There really is no surefire way here, you've just got to play it by ear. There are funny comments that are closely related to the story, as well as other recent stories, while others are simply responses to other comments. There are several so-called "Slashdot-Memes" that appear rather frequently that Slashdotters tend to find funny, though:

1. "Obligatory" references. Monty Python, Calvin and Hobbes, Douglas Adams, Joseph Heller, Family Guy/Futurama/Simpsons/South Park, etc. - if you haven't read or seen these things/people, you're missing out on some great material.

2. Make fun of Microsoft. There are quite a number of things you can make fun of about them, such as Steve Ballmer's infamous chair-throwing incident, or Vista's ridiculous system requirements. Yes, people who will show up to defend Microsoft and mod you flamebait, but they generally have no sense of humor and are far outnumbered. Also, note that if somebody has already made fun of them, then you can occasionally make fun of Linux with a similar argument that Slashdotters will appreciate as well.

3. Use the Underpants Gnomes as inspiration. This one works well on anything involving money or stupid patents. Yes, this a South Park reference, but that fact is usually left out. It takes the form: 1) 2) ??? 3) profit!

There are many more, listed here on Wikipedia. Some of them are outdated and nobody mods them funny anymore, such as the "hot grits" troll or the goatse references. So there you have it, go ahead and give it a shot.